I believe that good parenting requires a lot of good old common sense. How simple is that! Obviously not so simple.
What seems to be getting in the way of this for some parents has something to do with comparisons with others, and the problem of depending on the good opinions of others.
I’ll start with comparisons. When my children were preschoolers, we lived in a small town in Kentucky. It seemed that those of us who ran around together (because of our occupations or status in the community and not because we particularly liked one another) had the bad habit of saying things like, “My son accomplished such and such today”. or “My daughter was chosen to (fill in the blank) by the teacher.” One woman in the group was particularly aggressive when it came to trying to tell the rest of us how wonderful her children were.
The truth of the matter was, their son was a little bully and their daughter would later turn into a “mean girl”. The “my kid’s better than your kid” focus deluded the parents into thinking they were being good parents. Their thought their children were “achieving” and that would reflect well on them.
What was really happening was that the parents were focusing on their need to brag and not on the child’s need to learn to be kind and loving to others in this world. It was an ego trip for the parents. Competition. Children need practical experiences of winning and losing (graciously) at a very young age. This helps to prepare them for the real world. Parents who are themselves insecure have difficulty helping their children to learn to be secure. Being the best, being number one, or even, being better than (someone else), is often what is taught.
Where did we lose our compass with regard to personal values? (I have some ideas about that…gonna have to be in another post. But just a hint…it has to do with ‘the bottom line’, and yes, greed.)
Guess what that means for you parents who are insecure in yourself, your marriage, your parenting, your life? Get secure! It can happen. You just have to work at it. And a big measure of it comes from none other than COMMON SENSE!
Stop listening to others! Go to that place inside you that “KNOWS”. You have it. We all have it. Trust yourself. This is the part about the ‘good opinions of others’. Know yourself. Listen to yourself. This is your life. How do you want to live it?
As I read back over what I just wrote, I realize a different than intended message came through. I originally wanted to talk about common sense parenting. What came through for me was this that we are focused on competition with others and that this drives our parenting. I’ll have to think about that some more. What are your thoughts on that?
