A common discussion among people my age, is when to retire. The traditional notion of retirement is being rewired! In fact, “In 1985, 18 percent of all 65- to 69-year-olds were still working. In 2005, 29 percent were still on the job, and the trend continues.” http://career-advice.monster.com/careersat50/older-workers/How-Old-Is-Too-Old/home.aspx.
More and more you hear someone say, “Retirement is boring. I don’t want to give up life!”
The problem is often about how to change from what you have been doing to what you WANT to do. That’s not as easy as it sounds. The answer to “What are the options?”, is not a cookie-cutter design. It is an individualized process, just like the rest of your life has been. Working in a facilitated group or in individual sessions with a Third Age Coach is becoming more and more popular. Figuring out how to stay in the working world, in a way that is appealing to you, IS possible. It will take sustained attention to the process. It won’t just fall out of the sky and into your lap.
You’re not too old to stay in the working world. Figure how to make it work for you.
So much of the ‘retirement’ discussion is around finances. Yes, finances are important, but more important is the change in the couple’s life as one or both retires. It is very important to communicate about expectations each has for themselves and for the relationship. Day to day activities and long-term activities will be dramatically different from the previous routine. The couple needs to be able to communicate about their changing needs and wants and together they can plan for their Third Age.
As individuals leave the work role, their identity shifts. This can be quite disarming for an individual who was very powerful in the work world. It is important to set boundaries to protect personal time and ‘other’ time.
- Set Boundaries. Setting boundaries in retirement is necessary to protect personal time and “couple” time, and can also provide a sense of structure and control. A critical issue in retirement for many couples is establishing a balance between “separateness” (personal privacy, pursuing individual hobbies, spending time with friends) and “togetherness” (participating in joint activities, maintaining intimacy, and socializing as a couple). In addition, it is critical that couples agree on how much time they want to spend with family and friends, engaged in community activities, and responding to the needs of others (i.e., caregiving tasks). Mutually agreeing on how to balance individuality and togetherness is important to maintaining marital satisfaction in retirement.
- Prepare for the loss of the work role. Preparing for the loss of the work role may be necessary for spouses who were considerably invested in their professional careers. The loss of the work role can lead to feelings of depression, a sense of having no purpose, and a loss of identity in one or both spouses. These emotions frequently impact the marital relationship and can lead to decreased marital quality. Couples who recognize the significance of this loss and the importance of replacing this source of fulfillment with alternative roles and activities are likely to avoid negative emotions associated with this loss.
- Designate household tasks. Deciding on who does what household chores in retirement is more important than many couples realize. Research shows a common source of conflict for retired couples surrounds the division of labor in the home. Couples who have previously practiced a traditional division of household chores (wife doing cleaning, cooking; husband doing household maintenance and yard duties) may either choose to continue this pattern or may decide that a more equitable approach is more appropriate for retirement. Couples need to discuss and mutually agree on how they will manage household responsibilities rather than assume old patterns will continue or that new changes will take place.
When a term appears in the publication world that really says it all, I stand up and listen. That is what happened when I read about “Grey Divorce”. According to Deidre Bair, author of Calling it Quits: Late-Life Divorce and Starting Over, this term is very appropriate. The author reports:
The catalysts are as varied and complicated for older couples as they are for anyone else. But Ms. Bair did find that one common motivator was simply the steady buildup of the same kind of behavior over a long period of time until one day, one of the partners snaps.
Ms. Bair spoke to a woman who was getting ready for Passover when she realized her marriage was over. “As she put it, she was up to her elbows in chopped chicken liver. She needed a spatula she couldn’t reach and she asked her husband to get it for her, and he yelled at her to be quiet because he was watching television. And she said ‘that’s it.’ There are these little things that push people over the edge.”
I’ve included the link to the complete article from the Financial Post, published April 5, 2008, as a starting point for more discussion about Grey Divorce. What applies at 60 in this article can be applied downward…say to 50…my own age of calling it quits.
http://www.nationalpost.com/todays_paper/story.html?id=423205
