So much of the ‘retirement’ discussion is around finances. Yes, finances are important, but more important is the change in the couple’s life as one or both retires. It is very important to communicate about expectations each has for themselves and for the relationship. Day to day activities and long-term activities will be dramatically different from the previous routine. The couple needs to be able to communicate about their changing needs and wants and together they can plan for their Third Age.
As individuals leave the work role, their identity shifts. This can be quite disarming for an individual who was very powerful in the work world. It is important to set boundaries to protect personal time and ‘other’ time.
- Set Boundaries. Setting boundaries in retirement is necessary to protect personal time and “couple” time, and can also provide a sense of structure and control. A critical issue in retirement for many couples is establishing a balance between “separateness” (personal privacy, pursuing individual hobbies, spending time with friends) and “togetherness” (participating in joint activities, maintaining intimacy, and socializing as a couple). In addition, it is critical that couples agree on how much time they want to spend with family and friends, engaged in community activities, and responding to the needs of others (i.e., caregiving tasks). Mutually agreeing on how to balance individuality and togetherness is important to maintaining marital satisfaction in retirement.
- Prepare for the loss of the work role. Preparing for the loss of the work role may be necessary for spouses who were considerably invested in their professional careers. The loss of the work role can lead to feelings of depression, a sense of having no purpose, and a loss of identity in one or both spouses. These emotions frequently impact the marital relationship and can lead to decreased marital quality. Couples who recognize the significance of this loss and the importance of replacing this source of fulfillment with alternative roles and activities are likely to avoid negative emotions associated with this loss.
- Designate household tasks. Deciding on who does what household chores in retirement is more important than many couples realize. Research shows a common source of conflict for retired couples surrounds the division of labor in the home. Couples who have previously practiced a traditional division of household chores (wife doing cleaning, cooking; husband doing household maintenance and yard duties) may either choose to continue this pattern or may decide that a more equitable approach is more appropriate for retirement. Couples need to discuss and mutually agree on how they will manage household responsibilities rather than assume old patterns will continue or that new changes will take place.
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