Thank you to J. for the title. Actually, thank you to J. for the inspiration to write this>>>>>.
I was just plugging away at being a therapist. Then I entered the coaching world. I found out that my style as a therapist was very much like a life coach.
I had placed some 3×5 cards on a table in my office next to the clients’ chairs. It just seemed like the right thing to do, since I would regularly ask clients to think about whatever we were talking about in our sessions when they left. Without the 3×5 cards, clients would often come back and say they didn’t remember what I asked them to think about from the last session. So their change process was only going to work, 50 minutes a week or every 2 weeks. That wasn’t why I became a therapist. I wanted to help people make real change in their lives.
J. has made very good use of the 3×5 cards. During our discussions, J. would often say, “Now say that again” and she would write verbatim, what I had just said. I know that I’m not particularly original in all that I say because I have read extensively in the area of psychology, religion, philosophy, etc. and much of what I say to clients has been said many times before. It’s just that I have a style that leads to similar messages. J. calls them “The Therapeutic Stylings of Dr. S. O’Koon, PhD”. I can’t take credit for most of it. Well, maybe the way I say things has my personality wrapped around it!
Not everyone agrees with me. Depending on one’s background and/or theoretical orientation, a therapist might come from a completely different direction. For example, many therapists will tell a client the “why” behind their behavior or attitude. I don’t believe I know the ‘why’. I believe the client ‘knows’ and it is my job to ask the right questions and let the ‘why’ resonate within the client for their own sense of insight. That doesn’t mean I don’t provide value to the process. I help the client look at their choices from the inside out.
I would like to write more about the way I work with and help people. For now, I will share with you some of the ‘stylings’ J. has recorded. Perhaps these will turn into chapters in a book!
*Anger is an outward expression of an inward emotion. These emotions are: disappointment, hurt, fear, frustration, sadness, etc. The next time you are angry or pissed off at someone, look inside and see what feeling is fueling the outward expression of anger.
*Set boundaries with work, family, and friends to protect you from being used are taken advantage of. Be true to yourself.
*Create a “What I want list”. Schedule and incorporate into a 6 month schedule or calendar. Write down your long and short-term goals. Goals are rarely achieved without some written acknowledgment that they exist.
*Look at what you call poor choices and see them as opportunities for growth.
*Self-esteem equals self regard. When you regard yourself well, you will make good choices. The outcome will be a sense of self-respect.
*Learn and practice Balance.
*Being of service is bi-directional. Become aware of whom you provide or give service to and to whom do you allow and expect service from.
*Define the kinds of relationships of which you wish to be part. Look at your current relationships. Do they match your definition? If not, make a conscious choice with whom you would like to have in your inner circle.
*It’s okay to reset your gyroscope and stay connected socially. You can have different values from those you interact with. The challenge is to put your energies into activities and people with whom you share many/most of your values.
*Honor your needs.
*Learn to be accepting of others AND of yourself…wherever that may be.
*Loving others is easy when you love and accept yourself.
*People who try to control others have deficits in their personality, intelligence, or skill levels, etc. that they don’t want others to see.
*Guilt is the feeling you get when you choose to do something that is out of line with your values and you know it and do it anyway.
This is really just the start of documenting the way I see change. If I have been helpful in some specific ‘styling’, feel free to email me so I can add that to the list. I will not identify you.
Suzann@suzannokooncoaching.com
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