Fulfillment and Finances are taking center stage as the focus of Baby Boomers who are reaching “retirement age”. Ask yourself or someone who might be in this stage in life, the following questions.

·        How do I want to spend the next 20 or 30 years of my life?

·        What opportunities would I like to pursue?

·        Do I even know what I want to do?

·        What would be meaningful and fulfilling to me?

If you couldn’t answer any of these questions with clarity, you would be similar to many other baby boomers. Some people have done much thinking about this stage and others, well, not so much! This is such a life affirming time! We can be and do anything we set our intentions on.

Why is it so important to think about this stage in life with vigor? Because

50% of all people who live to 65 will live to 85

That’s a lot of life to live after retirement. This generation is healthier and better educated than previous generations which makes this stage in life one with more possibilities than ever before.

Most people don’t realize that they might have so many bonus years!

So what are people planning to do after they retire? Do they realize how that they have a good chance (well, at least 50% chance) of living twenty years or more past their retirement?

It might be time to consider an Encore Career to go along with the bonus years of health and vigor! It might be time to consider fulfillment rather than 24/7 leisure activities. It might be time to find that well-deserved balance in your life.

Individuals and couples are exploring the questions at a greater rate than ever before. 

Why not join them?

Contact:  Suzann O’Koon, PhD at suzann@suzannokooncoaching.com or 502.939.2987 OR  Gary R. Jay at GaryRJay@aol.com or 585.288.3747

We had dinner with some cousins last night and I was struck by one comment. My cousin’s father has been retired and living in Florida longer than he had worked/owned his retail clothing store! I’m not sure if Cousin Willie knew he would be retired longer than he worked! But that brings up the subject of what to do with all these bonus years that Baby Boomers may experience.

There seems to be a dichotomy in thought for those in the traditional retirement age bracket. On one end of the spectrum are those that say “I want to retire to leisure activities” (they don’t actually say it THAT way but that’s what they mean) and those that say, “I want to continue to have meaningful activities and continue to be contributing and finding fulfillment” (they don’t actually say it THAT way either, but that’s what they mean)! There need not be any judgment either way, but for those that want to find fulfillment in their bonus years, they are needing some guidance. It’s like when you were in high school or college and you didn’t quite know what to do with your life, you often went to a professional to help with the process. Third Age Coaches are the professionals to go to at this stage in life. It really is a new developmental stage. People used to work until they couldn’t anymore and then they died. This Third Age bonus years concept requires transitioning from where you were to where you want to be. People are taking control of these decisions and not letting circumstances dictate “what’s next”. People of all levels of economic stability are making choices that are fulfilling their deepest desires and creativity. They are becoming the person they really want to be rather than going into a certain line of work or profession for the economics of it needed for raising children, building homes, and supporting families. Now is the time in their lives to be fully themselves. But figuring that out is a process that involves insight and honesty.

So much of the ‘retirement’ discussion is around finances. Yes, finances are important, but more important is the change in the couple’s life as one or both retires. It is very important to communicate about expectations each has for themselves and for the relationship. Day to day activities and long-term activities will be dramatically different from the previous routine. The couple needs to be able to communicate about their changing needs and wants and together they can plan for their Third Age.

As individuals leave the work role, their identity shifts. This can be quite disarming for an individual who was very powerful in the work world. It is important to set boundaries to protect personal time and ‘other’ time.

• Set Boundaries. Setting boundaries in retirement is necessary to protect personal time and “couple” time, and can also provide a sense of structure and control. A critical issue in retirement for many couples is establishing a balance between “separateness” (personal privacy, pursuing individual hobbies, spending time with friends) and “togetherness” (participating in joint activities, maintaining intimacy, and socializing as a couple). In addition, it is critical that couples agree on how much time they want to spend with family and friends, engaged in community activities, and responding to the needs of others (i.e., caregiving tasks). Mutually agreeing on how to balance individuality and togetherness is important to maintaining marital satisfaction in retirement.
• Prepare for the loss of the work role. Preparing for the loss of the work role may be necessary for spouses who were considerably invested in their professional careers. The loss of the work role can lead to feelings of depression, a sense of having no purpose, and a loss of identity in one or both spouses. These emotions frequently impact the marital relationship and can lead to decreased marital quality. Couples who recognize the significance of this loss and the importance of replacing this source of fulfillment with alternative roles and activities are likely to avoid negative emotions associated with this loss.
• Designate household tasks. Deciding on who does what household chores in retirement is more important than many couples realize. Research shows a common source of conflict for retired couples surrounds the division of labor in the home. Couples who have previously practiced a traditional division of household chores (wife doing cleaning, cooking; husband doing household maintenance and yard duties) may either choose to continue this pattern or may decide that a more equitable approach is more appropriate for retirement. Couples need to discuss and mutually agree on how they will manage household responsibilities rather than assume old patterns will continue or that new changes will take place.

Couples who are nearing their retirement (Third Age, Second Act, Re-fire-ment, Encore, etc.) need to prepare psychologically as well as financially for this new stage. The change in their relationship in this uncharted territory can be similar to when they first married.

The degree of togetherness cannot be assumed. Looking at the goals of the couple in addition to the individuals’ goals need to be communicated with openness and honesty. In fact, it is often the case that each partner has their own idea of how the next stage in life will be played out and that picture of the future can be very different from the other’s view. One might want to spend time traveling the world and the other might want to start a new business. One might want to spend more time with the grandchildren as a family and the other might want to go back to school and earn a degree. One might want to spend time volunteering and pursue a hobby while the other wants to buy a home on a golf course and spend their days without a schedule.

Deciding who will be responsible for the day to day tending of the home may change. The family ’social chairman’ might change.

Deciding how the couple wants their life to look after years raising children and working in the workforce may take some serious discussion. There are many opportunities to explore to make the rest of their married life together meaningful and fulfilling. Unfortunately, there are those who see that they don’t like their life the way it is and rather than changing it within the marriage, they opt to get out of the marriage.
I will talk about how to have the serious discussions in future posts.

Baby Boomer couples have their own set of decisions to make. Often, it is the one who has worked the longest (likely the husband) who is ready to retire. Women who may have been out of the workforce while raising children, or who didn’t enter the workforce until mid-life for other reasons, may see retirement as a far-off option!

My colleague and I are surveying other life coaches who work with baby boomers and our own clients to get a picture of what the current concerns are in baby-boomer couples. If you have some thoughts about choices for baby-boomer couples, feel free to share with me. I’ll post the survey when we complete it.

Wow! We’ve begun our new business! With nine participants, my new partner, Ann Huttner, and I held our first workshop. The feedback was wonderful! People in their middle-age have begun to not only look at the money they need for retirement, but HOW they want to live their lives. This process is so important. It lets people see that they can focus their lives around what is really important to them and not just what kind of money they will have!

It’s so exciting. I want people to know about Prime Time Life Planning. Let’s spread the word! I’ll have more on this subject soon.

We are igniting a revolution to reinvent America! So says Bill Novelli, Ceo of AARP. Baby Boomers will not go quietly into retirement. In fact, retirement as it has been known will be changing for many people. There are those of us who can’t even imagine a day that isn’t purposeful in some way. That’s not to say that all boomers will continue in a working environment. Some will. Some people won’t be able to travel around the world for the next 18 to 30 years. It was not stressed nearly enough when we were first starting out that we would need as much money as we will need after the traditional 30 to 40 years of working full time. Pensions are mostly a thing of the past. Social Security just won’t do it for us. We are living longer and healthier and we just didn’t put enough money away for that many years of not working.

A new need has developed! Life Planning in the Third Age! What’s next in my life! Maybe I don’t have the money to travel all the time, maybe I do. But I want to have a purposeful existence! Help me find my passion! I work with people to figure out what “Lights their fire!” It might be volunteer work; babysitting the grandchildren; working part time in a fabric shop! And so much more. Life is exciting! I’m excited about working with other baby boomers to figure out “What’s Next”!

Baby boomers are becoming entrepreneurs at a tremendous rate. According to CBS The Morning Show, more than a million baby boomers start their own businesses each year. The link to this morning’s segment is: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/04/12/earlyshow/living/money/main2675209.shtml. I’m sure there’s another way of showing this link, but I’ll have to ask A or D how to do that! (A=Aaron; D=David) (Aaron= Aaron Ross, Aaron Ann or Aaron Michael)

I am ready to start my business. I am ready to stop being a mental health professional. I am now a business woman with a product to sell. The public is starting to see the benefit of a personal coach.

I will be starting a group for baby boomers who are ready to talk about their next steps, whether it is to start a business, go back to school, take time to travel, or a combination of next steps. It’s time to help people decide.

When I think about my life and the lives of my cohort, I think, “Wow. This is really different from the lives of our parents and grandparents.” I wonder what my mother would have said about computers, Blackberrys, iPods, etc., had she stayed around for 20 more years! It’s made my “Next Steps” that much more difficult because I thought I knew what direction I was headed from years ago. No, that’s not the way of the world. I actually need to figure out what I’m gonna do with my life for the next 30 or 40 years! Well, actually, I know what I’m going to do; I’m going to continue what I’ve been doing for the last 20 years, with a twist. I’m going to be coaching people rather that doing therapy with people. But my point is, people need to see their next steps as very different than their parents steps at this part of their lives.

Even after having had a financially successful working life, folks are saying to me, “I made the money, but I’ve never really felt fulfilled!” How can that be?

Research has shown that it is more about work and life satisfaction, relationship satisfaction, and helping others, that is what makes people happy! Not the amount of money in the bank!

See, I’m getting back on course!

I have been distracted by going in way too many directions! I’m getting back on course by focusing on what I think is the best direction for me to go. It’s where my energy is. It’s where the energy of 70 million baby boomers is. What are we going to do with the rest of our lives?!! Our generation, on average, is going to live thirty years longer than our parents’ generation!

We were raised by depression-era parents and we were conditioned to pursue careers that were capable of providing financial security. That’s a wonderful idea for the most part. What was often missing though, was the part about loving your work. So many of us, have worked in careers that were fine, but something was missing. The joy, passion, and/or personal desire related to the work was missing for some of us, but certainly. not all baby boomers!

From another direction, we find baby boomers who are no longer at the top of their game for whatever reason. What are they to do for the next 30 years.

We will be changing the face of work and leisure as we move into what used to be called retirement. We are not retiring. We need to come us with another name for it!

With that said, for those baby boomers who are happily retired, I say, Great! Have fun! There are no rules here! So whatever I might say about finding out about what you want to do for the next 30 years, know that you are fine just the way you are!