I need to add to my list from my previous post.
If you keep running into the same kind of problem over and over, it is likely a life lesson you need to learn.
What do I mean? Well, I will take one of my own life examples. I can always get to a certain point in a project when my own resources run out. Then I am stuck. An example has to do with my dissertation. I really struggled with the design of my study and particularly the statistics to use. It seemed as if everyone else was chugging right along, knowing exactly how to get er done! And I was struggling. When I ran out of resources I finally asked for help. This was not before I was ready to chuck it all! Finally, finally, finally, I got help. And I found out that other people had gotten help as needed. I had to learn to ask. I just didn’t realize that that was a normal thing to do. I thought I had to do it all by myself.
Before and since then, I have repeatedly found myself feeling stuck, until I asked for help or collaboration with someone who had a different set of skills. I think my life lesson in this case is that I need to realize that I don’t have to know it all! I can ask for help. Maybe I have finally learned that lesson. I don’t have to know it all.
To my current and future clients: I will continue to stress the following 7 life truths. Once you have mastered these truths, you will be able to get unstuck and move to your greatest potential. My Friday writings will address these 7 truths. Watch for them.
You are who you think you are
You can’t change other people, only your reaction to them.
No one ‘makes’ you feel. You choose your own feelings.
Just because someone doesn’t want to be your boy/girl friend doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. You two are just not a good fit.
You make your own reality.
You can be/do whatever you set your mind to.
You really can’t love others until you love and care for yourself.
For parents of young adults: Get a life! And get out of theirs.
Any questions?
I’d like to share a piece offered by Philip Humbert, PhD, http://www.philiphumbert.com in his weekly newsletter. If you are thinking about what success means and how to be successful, I say start with these:
The Fundamentals of Success
In life, and in business, there are only a few fundamentals that make life work out well, and they have never changed. Too often we pretend that technology and education have created “new rules” or that modern systems permit us to cut corners and find short-cuts that didn’t exist in the past. While there may be examples where that is true, in general, I don’t believe it.
The fundamentals of living well, achieving our dreams and creating wealth have not changed. The path to success today is remarkably similar to the path walked by generations past.
What are the basics? You might have your own list, but I would suggest at least the following:
1. Personal Integrity. Socrates recommended, “Know thyself” and Shakespeare added, “to thine own self be true.” Knowing who we are, what we value and making sure that our words and actions match is fundamental. Doing unfulfilling work or living in an environment that doesn’t suit us will surely undermine our long-term success. Too many of us live “lives of quiet desperation” and that is NOT a foundation on which to build a life!
2. Clear Thinking. Many of us grew up in the “feel good” generation and we are confused about the role of thought (education, planning, skills and tools) verses emotion. We let our hopes, wishes, fears, or “hang-ups” run our lives. High achievers take time to think clearly, seek expert advice, plan wisely, and learn from the mistakes of others. The Old Testament says that “wisdom comes from a multitude of advisors.” Some strategies just work better than others. Buildings are always designed and “blueprinted” in advance. Our lives should be designed just as carefully.
3. Unfailing Optimism. This is not shallow “positive thinking”, but a clear-headed, conscious faith in the future and in your own potential. “Where there is a will, there is a way,” or as Hannibal said over 2000 years ago, “We will find a way, or make one.” High achievers believe in their skills, in their plans, and in their futures. They forge ahead with confidence built on integrity and careful planning.
4. Hard Work. Ben Franklin observed, “Early to bed, early to rise makes a man (or woman) healthy, wealthy and wise.” I’ve heard people say achievement should be “effortless” and I agree that sometimes enormous amounts of work can flow easily and quickly, but I also know that creating a great life usually requires dedication, personal discipline, attention to detail, and effort.
5. Patience and Persistence. A great life is rarely built in a day. It takes time develop a life of one’s own. There will be mistakes and wrong turns along the way, and highly successful people are neither surprised nor disheartened by this. They simply get a good night’s sleep and start again in the morning. They learn from their mistakes, correct them, and move on with better skills and more effective strategies.
There are more fundamentals than we have room for here, but they have not changed, and there are no “new” fundamentals! Creating a great life does not take extraordinary luck, unusual talent or skill. Building a great life does, however, require that we follow the “rules” that make life work out well. The fundamentals are not sexy or exciting or sophisticated, but they are tried and true. Use them to create the life you truly want.
We had dinner with some cousins last night and I was struck by one comment. My cousin’s father has been retired and living in Florida longer than he had worked/owned his retail clothing store! I’m not sure if Cousin Willie knew he would be retired longer than he worked! But that brings up the subject of what to do with all these bonus years that Baby Boomers may experience.
There seems to be a dichotomy in thought for those in the traditional retirement age bracket. On one end of the spectrum are those that say “I want to retire to leisure activities” (they don’t actually say it THAT way but that’s what they mean) and those that say, “I want to continue to have meaningful activities and continue to be contributing and finding fulfillment” (they don’t actually say it THAT way either, but that’s what they mean)! There need not be any judgment either way, but for those that want to find fulfillment in their bonus years, they are needing some guidance. It’s like when you were in high school or college and you didn’t quite know what to do with your life, you often went to a professional to help with the process. Third Age Coaches are the professionals to go to at this stage in life. It really is a new developmental stage. People used to work until they couldn’t anymore and then they died. This Third Age bonus years concept requires transitioning from where you were to where you want to be. People are taking control of these decisions and not letting circumstances dictate “what’s next”. People of all levels of economic stability are making choices that are fulfilling their deepest desires and creativity. They are becoming the person they really want to be rather than going into a certain line of work or profession for the economics of it needed for raising children, building homes, and supporting families. Now is the time in their lives to be fully themselves. But figuring that out is a process that involves insight and honesty.
A common discussion among people my age, is when to retire. The traditional notion of retirement is being rewired! In fact, “In 1985, 18 percent of all 65- to 69-year-olds were still working. In 2005, 29 percent were still on the job, and the trend continues.” http://career-advice.monster.com/careersat50/older-workers/How-Old-Is-Too-Old/home.aspx.
More and more you hear someone say, “Retirement is boring. I don’t want to give up life!”
The problem is often about how to change from what you have been doing to what you WANT to do. That’s not as easy as it sounds. The answer to “What are the options?”, is not a cookie-cutter design. It is an individualized process, just like the rest of your life has been. Working in a facilitated group or in individual sessions with a Third Age Coach is becoming more and more popular. Figuring out how to stay in the working world, in a way that is appealing to you, IS possible. It will take sustained attention to the process. It won’t just fall out of the sky and into your lap.
You’re not too old to stay in the working world. Figure how to make it work for you.
We are igniting a revolution to reinvent America! So says Bill Novelli, Ceo of AARP. Baby Boomers will not go quietly into retirement. In fact, retirement as it has been known will be changing for many people. There are those of us who can’t even imagine a day that isn’t purposeful in some way. That’s not to say that all boomers will continue in a working environment. Some will. Some people won’t be able to travel around the world for the next 18 to 30 years. It was not stressed nearly enough when we were first starting out that we would need as much money as we will need after the traditional 30 to 40 years of working full time. Pensions are mostly a thing of the past. Social Security just won’t do it for us. We are living longer and healthier and we just didn’t put enough money away for that many years of not working.
A new need has developed! Life Planning in the Third Age! What’s next in my life! Maybe I don’t have the money to travel all the time, maybe I do. But I want to have a purposeful existence! Help me find my passion! I work with people to figure out what “Lights their fire!” It might be volunteer work; babysitting the grandchildren; working part time in a fabric shop! And so much more. Life is exciting! I’m excited about working with other baby boomers to figure out “What’s Next”!
Baby boomers are becoming entrepreneurs at a tremendous rate. According to CBS The Morning Show, more than a million baby boomers start their own businesses each year. The link to this morning’s segment is: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/04/12/earlyshow/living/money/main2675209.shtml. I’m sure there’s another way of showing this link, but I’ll have to ask A or D how to do that! (A=Aaron; D=David) (Aaron= Aaron Ross, Aaron Ann or Aaron Michael)
I am ready to start my business. I am ready to stop being a mental health professional. I am now a business woman with a product to sell. The public is starting to see the benefit of a personal coach.
I will be starting a group for baby boomers who are ready to talk about their next steps, whether it is to start a business, go back to school, take time to travel, or a combination of next steps. It’s time to help people decide.
I have been distracted by going in way too many directions! I’m getting back on course by focusing on what I think is the best direction for me to go. It’s where my energy is. It’s where the energy of 70 million baby boomers is. What are we going to do with the rest of our lives?!! Our generation, on average, is going to live thirty years longer than our parents’ generation!
We were raised by depression-era parents and we were conditioned to pursue careers that were capable of providing financial security. That’s a wonderful idea for the most part. What was often missing though, was the part about loving your work. So many of us, have worked in careers that were fine, but something was missing. The joy, passion, and/or personal desire related to the work was missing for some of us, but certainly. not all baby boomers!
From another direction, we find baby boomers who are no longer at the top of their game for whatever reason. What are they to do for the next 30 years.
We will be changing the face of work and leisure as we move into what used to be called retirement. We are not retiring. We need to come us with another name for it!
With that said, for those baby boomers who are happily retired, I say, Great! Have fun! There are no rules here! So whatever I might say about finding out about what you want to do for the next 30 years, know that you are fine just the way you are!
People resolve to do many things in the New Year, few of which actually get taken care of. I was wondering what keeps people from carrying through on their resolutions. I think it has something to do with the difference between ’should’ and ‘want’. I think people often make a resolution to do or not do something based upon a ’should’ and not a ‘want’. And because it really isn’t meaningful to their life, they do not keep the resolution. I think that in order to keep a resolution, making it something you ‘want’ to do will increase the likelihood. I have a friend who said, “I resolve to eat more fried chicken and watch more t.v. this coming year. That way I will be sure to keep my resolutions!” Those are things she wants to do!
Pick resolutions that YOU want. Not things that society, peers, parents, spouses, or your children want for you! You will have a much better chance of following through if you stick with a ‘want’. I resolve to keep in touch with friends. That’s something I really want to do.
Getting my blog up and running has truly been an inspiration! I have made a quantum leap into the 21st Century and the “now” way of communicating. This process has inspired a vision for myself that allows me to think in terms of growing…in so many ways. I wasn’t sure that I would be able to make my way on the information highway…I thought it would take learning so much and I just didn’t have the time to get “with it”. Not so, I found out. I don’t have to know how the plane flies through the air, I just need to know how to make a reservation and show up on time for departure!
My son, Aaron, reassured me that I don’t have to know how the Internet works, I just need to know that it does. He will continue to teach me…as I taught him so many years before. This inspired breakthrough in blogging will no doubt open many doors to new learnings for me in the months and years to come.
As I was writing about new learnings, I realized that I was actually being coached by Aaron with regard to the Internet. What a powerful question: “What do you want to be able to do on the Internet?” I responded, “I want to share my thoughts, new directions, visions, and areas of growth with others”. He said, “You need a blog.” And here I am. Thanks, Aaron
